Any challenging experience you go through contains lessons for you. If you are willing to recognize them, instead of viewing them as a threat, it will teach you exactly what you need. The more open and accepting you are, the more you learn from these experiences, the better they will imprint on and serve you going forward. When you resist, complain, and doubt what’s happening, it will become an obstacle on your path.
I want to share one of the recent ones that touched me especially deeply. Growth isn’t always easy, it often comes with pain and tough lessons because it involves stepping up and facing a new level of complexity. During such a process, old unresolved issues may come up because before moving forward, you need to face what’s been holding you back, otherwise it may keep stopping you on your way.
For me, it was a trip to a sacred place in Peru. I’m usually a very positive person, who anticipates for things to go smoothly. Even during tough times, I believe in a good outcome and a better future. At the same time, I understand that transformational processes entail going through stages that may not be pleasant at times. I also know that life will keep presenting me with difficulties/obstacles while I’m not willing to make the necessary changes. This happens even if I feel that I’m fundamentally right but refusing to recognize why things aren’t working/aligning for me. Being right and having good intentions doesn’t free you from the baggage of the past that you haven’t processed.
The sacred place had some unpleasant and painful experiences for me that I definitely didn’t expect because I would like to think of myself as resilient and capable. At first, I thought that it will just pass and everything will be fine. Then I realized that it wasn’t that simple. I have to admit, for a moment, I did feel sorry for myself and had some thoughts on the unfairness of the situation since I came to learn and transform, but something wasn’t letting me do that. At that time, I didn’t quite understand what I came to learn and how it was related to my growth.
What was the most transformational for me is that I accepted what was happening instead of resisting or analyzing it and only then saw the shift in my consciousness. That shift allowed me to receive help and believe that it will treat the pain. Surrendering is scary because it involves uncertainty. Leaving your comfort zone is even scarier when you are in pain, the mind keeps freaking out, “what if I change something and it will get worse, what if something will go wrong and I will lose the temporary bandaid that is working, what if I trust and end up in more pain?” At the same time, staying in your comfort zone won’t promote change it will continue the old cycle without a chance to break it.
What I also realized is that life will inevitably present me with all sorts of unpleasant experiences if I resist the lessons I need to learn.
In theory, I knew that I can change how I view the uncertainty and it won’t be as scary anymore. Turns out, unless you go through the uncertainty that involves struggle, the theory doesn’t apply as well. What I discovered throughout my experience of pain, discomfort, and doubt is that no matter how prepared I thought I was, the brain started to resist, and put up defense mechanisms that blocked me from receiving help.
What helped me was taking an observer stance. The uncertainty becomes irrelevant at that point, you are just learning from yourself. I did it by staying with the pain but not letting it control me, not letting it take away my freedom of choice, not focusing on it, and giving my attention to the source of support and acceptance of help.
When I choose another way of responding, things started shifting for me. Getting out of the comfort zone and letting things unfold, and trusting the process, trusting yourself that you will be able to adjust/figure it out as it happens. It’s like a test, what are you capable of? It’s the same with emotional pain, we try to avoid it and it makes us feel stuck, instead of staying with it, letting it pass, and accepting the help.Turns out that facing who you truly are and letting go of an old image that you were attached to for a long time isn’t that scary. The question is how tightly you can hold on to that image that was built on fear and how much longer can you afford not to go after your desired future? The longer you hold on, the further that future will be, no matter how much you want it.
You can start acting from your strength as if nothing is holding you back. You can simply try to be with the least unpleasant experiences, whether they are physical or emotional, and build your tolerance to it from there.